Who knew there were five languages of love? Dr. Gary Chapman, that's who. In his #1 New York Times bestseller, and his website, The 5 Love Languages®, he presents a simple truth: relationships grow better when we understand each other. Everyone gives and receives love differently, but with a little insight into these differences, we can be confidently equipped to communicate love well. This is true for all forms of relationship – for married or dating couples, for children and teenagers, for friends and coworkers, for long-distance relationships, for those brand-new loves, and for the romances that are older than the hills.
The website opens with a simple quiz for couples, singles, children, and teens to help us all discover the secret that has helped millions of people strengthen and improve their relationships - one language at a time. TAKE THE QUIZ HERE.
I took the quiz and answered some questions on what is important to me in my relationship with my husband. Here are my results I was 33% quality time, 27% physical touch, 23% for words of affirmation, 17 % acts of service, and 0% on gift-giving. That is just not that important to me compared to spending time together. It was a very interesting quiz that only took about five minutes. Understanding the love 5 languages of ourselves will help us communicate our needs to our partner. On the flip side, understanding our partner’s love languages will help us be there in a way that makes them feel the most loved and appreciated.
Here are the five languages of love...
1. Words of Affirmation This language uses verbal and written reassurance. This could mean you or your partner need to hear the words “I love you” or “Thank you” and enjoy getting little notes every now and then from the person they love. A person in this category finds comfort in verbal and written reassurance and feels the most loved when they hear or read words that support, uplift, and confirm their feelings.
2. Acts of Service
This language values actions over words. A person with this love language feels appreciated when their partner helps them complete tasks or takes it upon themselves to do something for them. This could look like a partner cleaning up after dinner so their loved one can relax after the long day or a partner stepping up and offering to run errands for you or with you. This language is all about giving up your time to help the other person.
3. Receiving Gifts
This love language values the time and effort put into gifts that they receive. This language can often be misunderstood as a materialistic shallow individual. However, that is not the case. People in this category value the time, energy, and thoughtfulness behind gifts. It does not have to be materialistic presents that they love, it could be a thoughtful scrapbook or a sentimental present.
4. Quality Time
This love language is all about giving the other person undivided attention. A person in this category feels appreciated and loved when there are no distractions between them and their partner. A simple way to show love for someone who values quality time is to put the phone down and watch a movie with your partner or eat dinner together at the table so there are no distractions when you talk about the day.
5. Physical Touch
A person who values physical touch in a relationship feels the most love when receiving appropriate physical affection. This could mean holding hands when you are out on a date, sitting close together watching a movie, or receiving hugs randomly. Intimate and non-intimate touches are valued and show your partner that you care about them.